Trusting God’s Wisdom in Our Deepest Pain

When my daughter died, I found comfort in reading the Psalms and the book of Job. For a time, though I had often told others not to, I searched for the reason behind her death. Because she died by suicide, I wrestled with anger—anger toward her, and anger toward myself. But I couldn’t stay angry with her for long. I knew the terrible mental strain she had been under, and my heart broke for the pain she must have felt.

Even in my grief, I never doubted God’s existence or His power, but I did question His reason for allowing her to die. I still do not know the answer—but I have learned to rest in the truth that His reason is perfect.

In those early days, I could relate to Mrs. Job, who said to her husband,

“Dost thou still retain thine integrity? curse God, and die.” — Job 2:9

Though I never cursed God, I was angry—with Him and with myself. I asked, How could I have missed the signs? If only I had gone to the EMS station right after she called, maybe I could have stopped her. Those thoughts haunted me.

Then, one day, as I read from the book of Job, I came across this verse:

“Where wast thou when I laid the foundations of the earth? declare, if thou hast understanding.” — Job 38:4

It was as if God Himself spoke directly to me through those words. In that moment, He reminded me of His infinite wisdom and His deep care. The Creator of all things still desires a personal relationship with each of us.

As I meditated on that, another verse came to mind:

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” — John 3:16

God’s love for us is unchanging. He gave His Son for you and for me. His love is greater than our pain, deeper than our understanding, and stronger than our anger. Through His grace, He lifted my anger and brought peace to my heart. He even placed a wise counselor in my life to help me forgive myself.

God is so good. He desires to have a relationship with you, too.

You may be walking through tragedy or carrying a burden that feels unbearable—but know this: you can trust God’s wisdom. After all, He created the universe—and He loves you.